Within three days of becoming engaged, I had already been told that I shouldn’t wear my glasses, because they’re not bridal. I was told my cane wasn’t bridal. I was told my eye… was not bridal. And I realized that if I was going to be “bridal” in their eyes, I was going to have to change who I am. I am proudly disabled.
This photo is giving me LIFE
Here’s the link to the original post at Offbeat Bride (as the source link doesn’t seem to be working)
Aids aren’t “bridal”? Absolutely fuck wedding culture.
Do I empathize most with “BUT YOU WOULD BE SO PRETTY WITHOUT YOUR GLASSES!!!”, or hearing that glasses aren’t nice enough for weddings, or the coffee stable bruises on the bride’s shins? Can’t decide.
if i as a retail worker have to work with a dozen cameras pointed at me to deter me from stealing $10, cops should have to work with a camera pointed at them to deter them from arbitrarily maiming and killing people
- Pictures of eyes.
- What do you mean, look at the hot air balloon? This image is just some blurry colors.
- The color blindness test where you’re supposed to say you see red and green, even though it’s really more blood orange and evergreen.
- “Just fill out these papers while I take some measurements on your current lenses.” Um… I can’t possibly see paperwork without my glasses.
- I don’t see flashes, have trouble with night vision, have difficulty focusing, but after filling out pages of potential eye problems, now I’m thinking about all the dreadful things that could go wrong with eyes. Ugh.
- More pictures of eyes.
- Creepy 3D model of a giant eye.
- Yes, I really have worn glasses for 31 years. Not a typo. Not a joke.
- Yes, that means I got glasses when I was 2, and that I look freakishly young. I GET IT. It’s amazing! Maybe it’s genetics! Maybe I bathe in the blood of virgin sacrifices every night! Can we get on with the scary eye touching now?
- Scary eye touching.
- Optometrist letting me know that I shouldn’t expect to get to 20/20 vision.
- No, I really don’t want to try contacts. Yes, in the thirty-one years I’ve worn glasses, it has indeed occurred to me that supermodels, leading ladies and love-interest hotties never wear glasses, and that I, too, might be more attractive without glasses. It’s just that adding contacts to my morning routine is just too time consuming, what with all the blood of virgins I have to bathe in every day.
- More pictures of eyes.
- There are only a limited number of frames that will work with my lenses. These are not the cheap or the cute ones.
- Of course my lenses will take extra time. I wasn’t actually expecting that one-hour thing to apply to me, I mean, this isn’t my first time getting glasses.
- This entire experience cost me about a week’s salary.
The post An Incomplete List Of Things I Do Not Like At The Optometrist appeared first on Simpson’s Paradox.
I’m seeking female-authored tech blogs and female app developers for a small project at my work. I’m going for 50:50 male:female ratio in my coverage, because I think that’ll set a good example for the kids, and I would really appreciate any recommendations, especially talented ladies outside of my usual reading list.
Do you know any lady tech bloggers, or app developers to suggest? Recommending friends (or your own project!) is totally ok!
Spoiler alert: adulthood is 96% of you going “well, I hope this is how it works and I’ll keep doing it till someone yells at me”
I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t afraid of sharks. I’ve heard hella people say that Jaws made people afraid of sharks, and that’s probably true—but I’m sure it also has something to do with how sharks TOTALLY FUCK YOU UP FOREVER AND MAKE YOUR BODY LOOK LIKE SPAGHETTI BARF if they get their jaws around you.
Sharks are scary in a primal, universal way, so nobody is going to give you the business for being afraid of sharks. If you’re in the water and you see a shark and you flip the fuck out like you for real saw a ghost, nobody is going to tell you you’re overreacting. If anything they’re probably going to be the Shaggy to your Scooby-Doo. Sharks are fucking terrifying. Sharks, on average, kill five people a year.
Now, I understand the urge to say “not all men” when someone points out the violence and oppression men routinely level against women. I know how unfair it feels to see your entire gender impugned because of the evil, disgusting actions of a few of its members. After a lifetime of respecting physical boundaries and being shy and pleasant and nice, you’re lumped in with a bunch of rapists and misogynists and miscreants and monsters just because you also have a penis—a penis YOU didn’t force on anyone, you would like to point out.
I understand the urge because I used to indulge the urge. I used to say “not all men” when someone would complain about the way society treated women. If you’re presently the type of person who still needs to point out “not all men”? I get it, I really do, but get this: NO FUCKING DOY.
Of course not all men, you yutz. The fuck is someone supposed to do? Type “men (except Seth, who is cool)” when they’re talking about trends? Or even just “men, but not ALL men” every single time, like some kind of waffling dingus? Why, because it might hurt your feelings if they don’t? Are you afraid someone will read that women have a fear of men because of personal experiences and then go, “Wait a minute, a man somewhere raped a woman, THAT MEANS SETH IS A RAPIST.” NO SETH, NOBODY IS DOING THAT, NOW ALSO GET THIS:
One in five women have REPORTED being the victim of sexual assault, and it’s important to note the word “report,” because there are people who don’t report. One in five. Women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day. Women are killed simply because they’re women, and at a rate that is so fucking disgusting and horrifying and unfathomable that if Steven Spielberg made a dramatic black-and-white movie about it, that movie would immediately win every Oscar forever.
The problem is real, women are sharing their experiences, and you think it’s important to point out that it isn’t all men, that it’s a small percentage committing these atrocities. One in five women report being sexually assaulted and you would have the world believe that it’s all being done by 12 MEGARAPISTS, traveling from town to town, raping and assaulting, while the other 3.5 billion men on Earth act chill. Your mother or your sister or your girlfriend or your wife or your daughter or your best friend, or more than likely a combination of those people, has been fucking raped—and you’re afraid of sharks.
Someone at my work suggested 3 truths and 1 lie as an icebreaker with new staff. I hope we do it because I am the master of that game!